| When a dream startles us awake, it demands our | | | | this was a great insult. They did not show it, so I did not |
| attention.I opened the door to find an attractive | | | | know, but in my righteous refusal of calories, I missed |
| Pakistani woman on my doorstep. She asked to come | | | | an opportunity for friendship.I wonder how often we |
| in to borrow a cake pan. I let her in and told her to look | | | | reject people and cultures because of our limited |
| in the cupboards as I was fixing coffee for my family | | | | worldview?Many years ago, when my son was a |
| and preoccupied.My parents were visiting for the first | | | | newborn, my husband needed to travel out of state. |
| time; my sister and her new husband were also there. I | | | | He didn't want to the two of us to stay at home alone |
| was anxious to get the coffee started when the | | | | and insisted we join him for the 1500 mile car trip. I was |
| woman asked if I had a certain type of cake pan. I did | | | | too young to argue and was miserable the whole time. |
| not and told her she could go to the store nearby and | | | | All I wanted was sleep.A month later, after my |
| probably find one. She resisted this idea and suggested | | | | six-week maternity leave was over and I had returned |
| that I could use a pan like that; why don't I buy one?I | | | | to work, he bought tickets to Tahiti for my birthday. |
| was incensed. In my mind, I had let this woman into my | | | | Flying halfway across the world with an infant at home |
| home, offered to loan her what items I had to make | | | | was not my idea of a vacation. I returned exhausted |
| her stupid cake and then she had the nerve to | | | | and sick with strep throat.For years I harbored anger |
| suggest I buy the cake pan that she needed. I forced | | | | at his insensitivity and mentally criticized every gift he |
| her bodily from my home.In the light of day, this dream | | | | offered. In the light of my dream, I see his behavior |
| (like so many) seems stupid. But someone once | | | | more clearly. It's simple really: He wanted to protect his |
| advised that in order to unearth the cause of a dream, | | | | family and to give to the woman he loved.In an |
| we must dissect the root of its emotion. I awoke | | | | indifferent and self-absorbed world, it is often wise to |
| enraged. What was the nature of this extreme | | | | question a person's motive. But how many |
| reaction?I began tentatively to view the experience | | | | opportunities for community and connectedness would |
| from the woman's perspective. Could it be that she | | | | we gain if we looked at a person expecting the |
| wanted me to have the cake pan so that I might bake | | | | highest he has to offer?Nicolette Beard is a former |
| a cake for my family? Could it be that she wanted to | | | | editor, publisher and advertising executive. Currently, |
| share the joy of what if means to give to others? | | | | she provides insightful commentary on issues men |
| Was the cake a metaphor for the sweetness in life | | | | face including midlife crisis, male menopause and finding |
| that I refused to partake?I do not know the Pakistani | | | | your purpose in life. -- Providing Midlife Men a Place to |
| culture, but I recalled an experience I had with some | | | | Breathe -- is the only blog for men written from a |
| Armenian friends many years ago. They too offered | | | | woman's unique perspective.Visit "Life Changing |
| me cake which I did not eat. Later a friend told me that | | | | Resources" for ideas on midlife career change. |