| When a dream startles us awake, it demands | | | | They did not show it, so I did not know, but |
| our attention.I opened the door to find an | | | | in my righteous refusal of calories, I missed |
| attractive Pakistani woman on my doorstep. | | | | an opportunity for friendship.I wonder how |
| She asked to come in to borrow a cake pan. I | | | | often we reject people and cultures because |
| let her in and told her to look in the | | | | of our limited worldview?Many years ago, when |
| cupboards as I was fixing coffee for my | | | | my son was a newborn, my husband needed to |
| family and preoccupied.My parents were | | | | travel out of state. He didn't want to the |
| visiting for the first time; my sister and | | | | two of us to stay at home alone and insisted |
| her new husband were also there. I was | | | | we join him for the 1500 mile car trip. I was |
| anxious to get the coffee started when the | | | | too young to argue and was miserable the |
| woman asked if I had a certain type of cake | | | | whole time. All I wanted was sleep.A month |
| pan. I did not and told her she could go to | | | | later, after my six-week maternity leave was |
| the store nearby and probably find one. She | | | | over and I had returned to work, he bought |
| resisted this idea and suggested that I could | | | | tickets to Tahiti for my birthday. Flying |
| use a pan like that; why don't I buy one?I | | | | halfway across the world with an infant at |
| was incensed. In my mind, I had let this | | | | home was not my idea of a vacation. I |
| woman into my home, offered to loan her what | | | | returned exhausted and sick with strep |
| items I had to make her stupid cake and then | | | | throat.For years I harbored anger at his |
| she had the nerve to suggest I buy the cake | | | | insensitivity and mentally criticized every |
| pan that she needed. I forced her bodily from | | | | gift he offered. In the light of my dream, I |
| my home.In the light of day, this dream (like | | | | see his behavior more clearly. It's simple |
| so many) seems stupid. But someone once | | | | really: He wanted to protect his family and |
| advised that in order to unearth the cause of | | | | to give to the woman he loved.In an |
| a dream, we must dissect the root of its | | | | indifferent and self-absorbed world, it is |
| emotion. I awoke enraged. What was the nature | | | | often wise to question a person's motive. But |
| of this extreme reaction?I began tentatively | | | | how many opportunities for community and |
| to view the experience from the woman's | | | | connectedness would we gain if we looked at a |
| perspective. Could it be that she wanted me | | | | person expecting the highest he has to |
| to have the cake pan so that I might bake a | | | | offer?Nicolette Beard is a former editor, |
| cake for my family? Could it be that she | | | | publisher and advertising executive. |
| wanted to share the joy of what if means to | | | | Currently, she provides insightful commentary |
| give to others? Was the cake a metaphor for | | | | on issues men face including midlife crisis, |
| the sweetness in life that I refused to | | | | male menopause and finding your purpose in |
| partake?I do not know the Pakistani culture, | | | | life. -- Providing Midlife Men a Place to |
| but I recalled an experience I had with some | | | | Breathe -- is the only blog for men written |
| Armenian friends many years ago. They too | | | | from a woman's unique perspective.Visit "Life |
| offered me cake which I did not eat. Later a | | | | Changing Resources" for ideas on midlife |
| friend told me that this was a great insult. | | | | career change. |